Hard Decisions

One of the more difficult decisions that we've had to make recently was the decision to leave our beloved small group at church. Amy and I have been fortunate enough to have been in a small group for over three years. And when I think back over the history that we've had and the encouragement they've offfered, I can honestly say that I'm not sure we could have made it without their support. I can still remember breakng down the night that we shared that we wouldn't be able to have children; then the cake they made for us when we were "paper pregnant." And the shock and disbelief when I showed them the ultrasound. It was a beautiful thing that we will always cherish.

Like all good things, however, they can't last forever. We realized with two kids it would be impossible to arrange for childcare for the night we meet, and we're technically not supposed to take Annie anywhere until May '09 for fear of RSV. The writing was on the wall, and it was time to make a change. We hated leaving, and the rest of the group is having a hard time with our parting, but that's natural when we've been together for so long and have developed relationship as deep and strong as the ones that we have. The friendships will endure; it'll just take a little more planning to get together.

But when God closes a door, He opens a window: our church is offering nearly 40 new "semester" small groups that run for 8 weeks. The worship pastor is leading one for all worship leaders that I'll be attending and Amy found a parenting group that she's really excited about! Since we can't go so the same group for childcare reasons, it's a perfect opportunity for us to chase our individual passions.

If your church offers a small group and you've never bene involved, I'd encourage you to check it out! It's a safe place for open, honest dialogue among brothers and sisters in Christ, and it can be a really beautiful thing!

The Face of Selfless Love

One year ago today, Amy and I walked into the conference at our adoption agency and met Patricia (Josiah birthmother.) She was seated on the couch, struggling to get comfortable with her protruding baby bump, yet she managed to smile and make jokes about everything. She was only two weeks away from her due date.

It was absolutely surreal meeting Patricia for the first time. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that this stranger was going to give us her baby! Yet from the moment that we met, we just clicked. Especially Patricia and I, because our personalities and sense of humor is very similar. The meeting could have been awkward with both parties walking on eggshells, but she made it so comfortable. She was definite in her decision to place the baby with us, and we desperately tried to forget the disappointment that we had experienced just a day before with little Baby Christopher.

Ironically, Patricia was waiting for us through that situation! She had chosen us just after we had been matched with another birthmom. The agency asked Patricia if she wanted to choose another family or wait to see what happens with Amy and I. She decided to wait, and she was overjoyed when the Baby Christopher situation fell though! At the time, we could only see our pain and disappointment, yet God had something far better literally waiting in the wings!

We've e-mailed, sent photos and letters and even met up one or twice since then. In fact, Patricia came to visit Amy in the hospital when she was pregnant with Annie! We love the fact that we have an open adoption and that Josiah will always know this amazing woman. To us, her strength is immeasurable, and we're inspired and touched by her amazing gift of life to us. To Amy and I, she will forever be the face of selfless love.

Reflection

It was a year ago yesterday that Amy and I went to the hospital to meet the birthmother that had chosen us. We spent the afternoon holding the little miracle and reeling in the possibility that he would be ours!

Sadly, little Christopher William's journey continued on without us. The very next day, the birthfather petitioned the court for full custody. The sick part about it was that he didn't want to parent the child; he just wanted to "take his shot" and let the baby know that he fought for him. He conceeded that it probably wouldn't work, but he had to go to the courthouse and try. The birthmother was forced into a custody battle that she didn't want and the baby became collateral.

We were hurt and dissappointed that he couldn't come home with us, but we were deeply saddened taht he would grow up in a home where we was unwanted; a home where he would be used as leverage instead of being loved. I don't know where little Christopher William is now, but there's a part of us that loves him and hopes that he's found a loving home amidst the ugliness that surrounded his birth.

Josiah and the Duck Call

I was never an avid hunter, but I did like things that made noise, and my uncles (all hunters) turned me onto a duck call when I was little. I had almost forgotton that I had it until my Mom found it one day and offered it to Josiah. The rest, as they say, was history...

Priceless...

We returned to Angela Pursell for Josiah's 1 year photos and Annie's newborn shots. You may recall that she did the amazing shots of Josiah when he was three months old. We decided she was the best choice to chronicle our family through the years. Once again, she did an amazing job capturing Josiah and Annica, and this was one of the best shots of the whole family.

Check our her blog (or click on the photo above) for a few more incredible photos of J-man and Annie.

Our Little Walker!

Josiah has been taking a step or two here and there, but today, Josiah walked across the room twice! He seems to enjoy walking and will soon prefer it to crawling. He's really cute with his little chicken legs...smilin' all the way. I'll try o get some video footage and post it soon.

Carseats and Kindness

So we officially moved Josiah to a convertible carseat; it's still rear-facing (reccommended up to 1 year old) but it'll be the seat that he'll use up to probably 80 pounds. The seats were a gift from my cousin; they're the nice Eddie Bauer suede-trimmed bucket seats that look so comfy, I might want one installed for the driver's seat! He looks so big in the new seat, especially when compared to his sister in the infant seat next to him.

It's struck Amy and I over the last few weeks that Josiah is a profoundly kind child. He's affectionate and fun-loving, and there's sense of kindness, generosity and sharing that really warms my heart. It's a wonderful testament to Patricia as well, because he seems to be ingrained with a biological goodness that makes him predisposed to being loveable.

Today, he crawled over to Amy as she sat on the couch, climbed up in her lap and promptly fell asleep. The other day, he was hugging his "My Buddy" and offered him the sippy cup. It's these little moments that I want to store up in my heart. I know he's going to grow up so fast, I just want to capture and record every smile in my heart.

The Last Supper

I've been so busy lately with the kiddos that I had't even looked at the photos I've been snapping lately. I had to laugh when I saw this one . . . Thanksgiving dinner at Amy's folks' place. This was the last meal that we shared before Annica was born! Actually, Amy was in the beginning stages of labor when this photo was taken (the look on her face is priceless.) Incredibly, she didn't want to interrupt the meal with her pain!

Little did we know at the time that just a few hours after this photo was taken, we'd be in the Emergency Room for three days (80 hours) of labor! We could have never forseen the drama of the helicopter transfer, the botched epidural, and the month in the NICU. Yet we'll never forget Nov. 27 - Dec 1. because someone beautiful was born out of all the the pain and fear. Annie wanted to see the world, and she wasn't about to wait around another two months inside Amy!

So while her bursting onto the scene caused much alarm, her timing couldn't have been more perfect! I couldn't wait another minute to meet her, and I'll just go ahead and admit it: she's now and forever will be Daddy's little girl.

When Did This Happen?

Josiah is HUGE! It seems like I blinked or something and he magically became this stocky little man. You can sort of tell in this photo in that he takes up Amy's entire torso. He last weighed in at 21 lbs, but he's had a major growth spurt in the last week, and I'm sure he's pushing 25-30! Ironically, my boss has a 5 year old that only weighs 29lbs. Holy Cow!