Un-invited

One of the thing that we feel is important for Josiah is social interaction. Because we don't do day care (yet), it's important that he interact with other kids. Because he's adopted, we really wanted to find an adoption play group so that he could meet other kids that were adopted and grow up knowing that being adopted is OK.

We found one such play group through the church my parents attend. They're all believers, and they meet in the fellowship hall of a local church. Amy went once or twice and really had a good time chatting with the other adoptive parents and watching the kids play. She was looking forward to getting to know the other moms better and having a safe place for Josiah to play and adjust to other adopted kids.

It seems that there's just one problem: Amy's pregnant. Apparently that's frowned upon in this particular gathering of saints. Amy had sent an e-mail yesterday asking where they were meeting and that she'd love to come. We got an e-mail today basically un-inviting her. The e-mail was unbelievably terse and suggested that "many of the moms have suffered through infertility and [the sender] wonders if Amy knew what that felt like." It continued "being around someone who is pregnant bring up painful feelings." Amy was polite and said that she wouldn't come anymore if it would make people uncomfortable. But she was really hurt by the insensitivity. The e-mail was sent by one of the moms, and she hadn't even gotten to know Amy. She didn't know the first thing about our story.

I remember how we felt about pregnant women while dealing with our infertility. And we try to be sensitive, because we remember that pain. But these are all women with adopted children. They should be basking in the joy of their adoption miracle rather than casting stones at our miracle. Besides, the play group isn't for the parents; it's for the KIDS; so that they're exposed to other adopted kids.

I guess what these particular moms really wanted was a catty adoption club. Just like the high school cafeteria all over again . . .

Baby G update

We just got back from the hospital where we had some new ultrasounds taken for "Baby G." This time around, they were able to zoom in on the little guy more and we were able to get much more detail. What was amazing was that he was moving his head and arms during the ultrasound, and I stared in utter amazement as he moved around! The new due date is Feb. 4, but we're pretty confident that we'll see this little fella sometime around the end of January.

You can see the profile of his litle face in this one!

"So when can I hear your stuff?"

A number of people have asked me where they can hear some of the music I've written. Truth is, I haven't really been doing much writing for the last couple of years. I'm so busy at the studio recording other people's music that I haven't had any time for my own . . .

But that's no excuse! I need to get the creative juices flowing again, and I figured the best way to start was to get some of my newer stuff up on MySpace for people to check out. Enjoy!

www.myspace.com/davegerhartmusic

"Newness..."

I was just reading Yoka's blog and rejoicing with her fantastic news of placement! I love to hear stories of adoptive families bringing their new additions for the first time. There's just something magical about the newness of life (and the newness of parenthood.) I can still remember both Amy and I struggling to get Josiah in his first onesie to bring him home. Patricia (J's birthmom) was laughing the whole time saying, "you guys are definitely new at this..." It was pretty funny in looking back. I still feel like we're pretty green and the whole parenting thing, but we've been able to figure out the basics, and we have a great network of family and friends when we have questions. I figure if we do the very best we can 100% of the time, God will compensate for any shortcomings.

Amy's in her 2nd trimester, and she's been sick lately, which is no fun when you have a 1-hour commute by train twice a day. She only works three days a week now, but I feel bad for her when it comes on suddenly and she feels like "Oh God, not now..." We have another ultrasound tomorrow morning to pinpoint the exact due date.

On the adoption front, we have our 6-month post placement visit in about a week. This is the final requirement from our agency after which we can schedule the finalization hearing. Although the parental rights of both birthparents have been terminated, he's not recognized as a member of our family until this hearing. That's when we'll get his birth certificate and SSN. Six months after birth. Pennsylvania is weird that way. I love the fact that many of you have reported that the termination and finalization was immediate. I wish that could have been the case for us. I'm not sure why this policy varies so much from state to state, but I'm glad that the legal part will be done soon.

That's all for now. I'll check back in tomorrow with some updates on Baby G.

"Mmmmm...Applesauce..."

What's new?

I was changing Josiah the other day and decided to pull up a chair and spend some time with him. Just some quiet time where we look into each other's eyes. We play together quite a bit, but I believe there's something magical in the quiet moments between a father and son where nothing has to be said. In fact, I've heard that simply looking into your child's eyes with a smile or affirming expression actually builds their confidence and self-esteem.

We were having one of these quiet moments where I was leaning over the changing table to look into his eyes, and he reached out and began to put his hand on my face. It wasn't grabbing my nose or tugging my ear (although we got there soon enough) it was a gentle caress as one would comfort a baby. I was blown away! It was so heartwarming and sweet. I felt a little cheezy reaching into my pocket for the camera phone, but I was glad to have captured the moment!

Worrying...

I've been thinking a lot about injuries lately. It dawned on me that–at some point–Josiah will need to be rushed to the emergency room for one reason or another. The question is how will I deal with that as a parent?

Worry seems to come with the territory when it comes to children. We want the very best for them and we fear any hard that will come their way. At the same time, we're to entrust their lives to a gracious and loving God who promises not to give us more than we can bear. Scripture commands us to "be anxious about nothing..." (Phil 4:6) but how do we NOT worry about our children?

One Wednesday night back in 1986, it was my turn to visit the ER. Boys Brigade had let out early, and my folks were still inside the sanctuary for the adult Bible Study, so I passed the time with a game of tag. I was chasing another boy around a corner when my foot hit a bump in the pavement; I was flung against the brick wall of the church and my left arm crashed through the ground-level window. I didn't feel any pain, so I was more worried about the broken window and getting in trouble than anything. I pulled my arm out and walked toward the light. When I looked down at my arm, I saw a mess of mangled flesh and my own bone; blood was everywhere.

Thanks to the quick thinking of the folks inside, they packed the arm with ice and got the paramedics to the church immediately. I spend the next week in the ICU receiving massive blood transfusions and 4 layers of stitches to re-connect all the tissue that had been cut. I had severed the pain nerve (and everything else, for that matter...) and a was a quarter of an inch from from severing the nerve that controlled all the motor movement of my left hand! God is Good!

I still remember my Mom rushing into the hospital as they took off the crude dressing that the church folks had rigged together. Her face went white when she saw the damage. It was more than she could bear. Until this week, I never thought about what it must have been like for her to rush to the hospital and see her baby lying on a guernsey nearly bleeding to death. There were so many things that could have gone wrong . . . but they didn't. I have to believe that God chose to use the experience to draw me closer to Him and to make me (and my family) appreciate life. In a very real sense, I was given a second chance.

When we choose to worry about everything, we assume that God is either disinterested or incapable of protecting our children. I shudder to think about it, but our kids WILL get hurt, and they WILL suffer to a certain extent. But God in in control and He watches over us and our children. We just have to trust Him. Lord, give me the strength . . .

...and here's MY favorite...

I couldn't resist . . .

4th of July

This is Amy's favorite shot from our 4th of July picnic with my folks. She loves the way he's sitting in his Bumbo holding the armrests. He looks like he'd be saying, "Hey man, when are we going to get this party started?" His expressions are way beyond his years . . .

We had J and his cousin Christian in the baby pool over the weekend. Good times were had by all! We put his Bumbo seat in the water and let him splash around. We poured water out in front of him to see if he woudl reach out and try to grab the column of water. They both had a great time. We have lots more photos posted on our Flickr account. Just click on the link to the right to check 'em out!

As for Baby #2, we're nicknaming him "Baby G" for the time being. We did pick out names for but we're going to hold off on sharing them until he's born so we don't jinx them [grin]. As for Amy, she's been feeling pretty lousy: hungry, tired, nauseous, crabby, and a bit forgetful. I'm hoping that the 2nd trimester goes a bit more smoothly.

One of the girls from our small group dropped off a bag full of maternity clothes, so it's beginning to sink in that this really is happening. One of the best aspects of this whole journey is the enormous support that we've had from friends, family, church, small group and even our blogsphere family! It's been a wild ride, and having the support really eases the way forward.

"Um . . . we're PREGNANT!!!"

Now this was something we didn't see coming . . . the little guy at the bottom of the dark "gestational sack" is our baby . . . Josiah's little brother (or sister) . . . they'll be 11 months apart.

How did we get here? Well, after 7 years of trying and a grueling year of fertility treatments, we had given up on having biological children. We got excited about adoption, and God brought Josiah into our hearts and lives. We fell in love with that little boy, and we couldn't wait to go through the process again. Our agency required that we wait 6-9 months after finalization of Josiah's adoption before submitting our paperwork again. We were planning to adopt again in November.

Do you know how to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.

p.s. we're SUPER excited!! It's a miracle as far as we're concerned...

Bumbo Boy