The Risk of Love

We have a big day on Tuesday. Because of the unique circumstances of our adoption (and Pennsylvania law), we can't finalize our adoption until 4 months after Josiah's birth. Our termination hearing is scheduled for Tuesday morning, June 3rd at 9:30 am. It's at that point that the parental rights for both birth parents will be terminated and Josiah will "officially" be our son.

I don't like to think about what could happen if Josiah's birth parents changed their minds. I just couldn't comprehend having to give him up. But I'm not worried about that. I know that Josiah belongs to us; I feel the bond and the connection that we share. He's my son, whether or not a judge decrees it. He's my flesh and blood, even though we don't share any DNA. He's my family, even though he was given to us by a complete stranger. And he's my world, because I can't imagine my world without him in it.

When Love Takes You In . . .

After the Steven Curtis Chapman tragedy, I found this music video for his song, "When Love Takes You In." Although we own all his albums, I wasn't familliar with the song, and I had never seen the video. As it played, I sat dumfounded in front of the computer screen, tears streaming down my face. The song is such a a beautiful depiction of adoption, and it moved me like nothing I've seen. Check it out!

Redemption

To make up for my Mother's Day blunder, Josiah and I did some shopping yesterday to get a few things that would brighten Amy's day. We got her a colorful floral arrangment, as well as some sunflowers for the living room. We found a small Willow Tree figurine depicting a mother holding a baby that looked about Josiah's age, so we scooped that up as well as some helium-filled balloons.


I really wanted to get her something with Josiah's birthstone (Amethyst for February), so I found this beautiful little necklace that was perfect for her. You can't really see it in the photo, but here's a close-up:

Again, I know it's not about stuff, but it is important to recognize that this is a special and important time for her. The pain of not celebrating Mother's Day years after year while all of our friends got pregnant was really difficult, and I could barely stand to watch her go through those painful fertility treatments. We're just both so glad that we've closed that chapter in our lives. We've stepped out of the darkness and despair that is infertility and have penned the prologue of our new story. It's an amazing story of love and grace; of transformed hearts and minds.

It's a story only God could write . . . we're simply his parchment.

Confessions from the dog house

I have sinned in the worst possible way . . . I fail to get Amy anything for her very first Mother's Day. She was pretty disappointed, and I felt like a heel for not realizing how big a deal this would be for her.

Now before you all start boiling the tar and plucking the chickens, You have to understand that we're not "trinket" people. We very seldom buy each other gifts; not even birthday or Christmas presents. We decided long ago that we'd rather celebrate together by going out to dinner or planning a day trip together rather than buying each other perishables like flowers and chocolate. We've been married 11 years, and it's a system that works, so I didn't realize that the rules had changed now that Josiah had joined us.

In retrospect, of course, it's painfully obvious that a gift was in order. A small necklace with his birthstone, perhaps. But like most guys, I'm fairly clueless when it comes to this kind of stuff, and while I definitely knew it was a big deal for her, I figured we'd all celebrate together, rather than buying "stuff."

So if you have any ideas for a belated Mother's day gift, I'd appreciate it. It may not get me out of the dog house, but at least she'll know that I recognize that it's a very big deal.

Cradle Cap

Josiah has some dry, crusty skin on his scalp, and after a quick yahoo search (yeah, I'm old school) I discovered this was the famed "cradle cap." It's totally normal, but because I'm a new dad and a bit paranoid about baby's health, I want to fix it. I've read that olive oil and baby oil massaged into the areas will relieve the flakes and that I'll simply brush it away.

But don't believe everything you read on the internet: we read a post from someone who SWORE that vegetable oil was the best remedy, so we tried it. Not only was the application nasty, but his head smelled like a McDonald's fryer. I think we'll stick to baby or olive oil next time.

Tragic Loss

The Associated Press
NASHVILLE, TENN. The 5-year-old adopted daughter of Grammy-winning Christian music star Steven Curtis Chapman was struck and killed Wednesday by a sport utility vehicle driven by her brother, authorities said.

The girl, Maria Sue, was hit in the driveway of the family's home Wednesday afternoon by a Toyota Land Cruiser driven by her teenage brother, said Laura McPherson, a spokeswoman for the Tennessee Highway Patrol.

The brother, whose name and exact age weren't available, apparently did not see the girl, McPherson said. No charges are expected. "It looks like a tragic accident," she said.

Several family members witnessed the accident, which happened in Williamson County just south of Nashville. The girl died later at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, hospital spokeswoman Laurie Holloway said.

In a statement, Velvet Kelm, a publicist for Chapman, said Maria was the Chapmans' youngest daughter.

Baby's first Timbs!

I always look forward to small group. We've been together for about 3 years now, the relationship that we've built are unmatched by anything that we've had in any church we've ever attended. They were with us through the pain of infertility and the hope of adoption, so they've really grown with us through this whole process.

At small group tonight, we spent time playing with Josiah and his buddy Haley (2 months older) laughing at all the "baby things" that they do. It was almost surreal, considering the very dark place that we found ourselves just a year ago. What made my night was a small gift from our friends Bob & Jen; they gave us a pair of Timberland shoes for Josiah, as well as an orange onesie. They knew it would look good with his skin tone. It was something that I really wanted to get for him, and they knew us so completely that they just naturally saw the Timbs and thought of us.

Connection

The first batch of photos are in from Angel Pursell. They're amazing, and you can see the preview here.

So I was giving Josiah a bath today after some leakage action (courtesy of Huggies). The lesson here is always buy Pampers for baby boys. But I digress. It was the first time that I gave him a bath without Amy. She's the towel girl, and does a great job of keeping him happy while he's getting undressed and nice and warm afterwards. While her help is invaluable, I have to admit that it was nice having some one-on-one time with my little man. Baths are a great bonding time, because they're totally dependent on you to get them clean and not hurt them in the process.

After double and triple checking the temperature of the water, I plopped Mr. Cheeks into the soapy water and started scrubbing. He looked at me with this look of total connection; like he trusted me completely. He didn't wiggle around that much, or fight the water or the washcloth. He knew that I was helping him, and he beamed with gratitude. It was such a cool connection!

Sleeping through the night!

For the second night in a row, Josiah has slept through the night! I put him down around 11:00 and he sleeps uninterrupted until 7:00 am. Sweet!

3 Month Portraits

We had an amazing photo shoot with Angela Pursell in Doylestown today. Amy found her through the Bethany Discussion Forum on-line, and she participates in "Celebrating Adoption" which is a nationwide network of photographers that donate their time and waive sitting fees for families that have adopted! Her work is expressive and biographical; the shots that we saw on the camera were timeless, and I can't wait to see them!

Just when I thought Josiah couldn't posibly get any cuter, he goes and borrows a hat from his cousin and sports this LL Cool J look.

a moment

I had this moment with Josiah last weekend that was magical...

He was in his bouncy seat, and I turned on the vibrate feature. The vibration had a tone to it, so I hummed the note that it seemed to be "singing." I was just playing with him singing "La" and he was chattering away in his various baby talk noises. But he began to imitate me and "sing" the note with me. I changed the pitch of my voice and went up a half step, and he seemed to follow. I was never so proud. I was moved almost to tears, not because he was a musical prodigy, (because I'm sure he was just imitating me) but because what I wanted more than anything was to pass along my love of music to my child. I used to think that I could only do that with a child of my own flesh and blood, but in this one magical moment God showed me that He knew my heart's desire.

Blood on my hands...

I was trimming Josiah's fingernails tonight, something that I've only ever done once before. When they get long enough, he scratches his face while he sleeps, and I don't want him to claw his eyes while he sleeps. I had just changed his diaper and applied some Desitin to prevent any diaper rash, so both his hands and mine were a little greasy. He was wide awake, and I knew that I'd have to move quickly as he rarely holds still. At the same time, I had to be precise, because I didn't want to clip his nails too short.

I got through the first hand without incident. When I moved around to the second little hand, I cut his little index finger and middle finger too short. I could tell right away from his facial expression; it had been playful but it now showed signs of significant discomfort. As if to say, "hey, daddy, watch it! that hurts!" I inspected the little fingers and realized that I had a tiny amount of his blood on my palm. I was both sickened and frightened; realizing that I had caused him pain (however slight) was excruciating, and having his blood on my hands was almost unbearable.

As I look at Josiah in his swing, happily flailing his arms and smiling at me, I realize that this is a non-event for him. He won't remember the incident, and he doesn't hold me responsible. My first reaction is to "freak out" a little when I see him in pain; it's something that I'm working on. It just seems to come naturally with parenting; that innate desire to protect them 24/7 from any danger or harm that could befall them. But at the end of the day, we do the very best that we can in keeping our babies safe and trust that God will protect them the rest of the way.

and the winner is...

When Josiah was born, the hospital was kind enough to send us home with lots of Similac; since baby formula is his sole source of nourishment he goes through a lot of it! Because so many people recommended Similac (and that's what the hospital gave him) we felt like we were feeding him the best stuff, even if it happened to be the most expensive. I mean, you can't put a price tag on your child's nutrition, right?

Well, we figured out that Josiah was consuming over $5.00 per day, so we investigated alternatives. We had heard good things about the generic brands from those warehouse clubs, but we were skeptical. My sister was kind enough to buy us three canisters of the BJ's brand from BJ's discount warehouse, so we gave it a try. He seemed to be doing pretty well! I noticed that he didn't hiccup after feedings on the BJ's brand, and the price was HALF that of the Similac. We checked with our Pediatrician, and he confirmed that all baby formula is regulated by the FDA for nutrition, so we'd be in good shape regardless of the brand.

So, just to be sure, when we ran out of the BJ's stuff last week, we tried Similac again. The hiccups returned and he just generally didn't sleep as well, so we got a membership to BJ's and picked up several canisters. Looks lke the clear winner for baby J is BJ's formula!