Car seat

OK, I know Amy and I have about 16 years of college between the two of us, but we could NOT figure out how to install an infant car seat! It was one of the first things we bought once we were approved by Bethany, and until today, it was sitting unopened in the shed.

Well, today was the day! I pulled the beast out of the box and Amy and I sat in the back seat with the instruction manual trying to make sense of them. She got to work on the canopy while I searched my car's owner's manual for anchors or latches that would make our job a bit easier. No dice. I did successfully manage to detach the seat from the base, and found the holes for the seat belt. That's when things got interesting. we threaded the seat belt through the car seat, but everything was loose. There was no mention of how to lock the seatbelt, so we tried everything to lock the belt into place. Finally, I remembered Deb had showed us how to put Bowen's car seat in: she pulled the seat belt all the way out until it clicked, then slowly retracted it. There was a clicking sound as each position locked into place. We finally got everything locked down and level, but it was far more difficult that I had anticipated.

I hope parenting is easier than installing the car seat...[grin]

Meeting Patricia

We met Patricia today at the Bethany office in Fort Washington. We had both really looked forward to the meeting, unsure of what to expect. But upon meeting her, we were instantly relieved and felt a peace and calm about our adoption that I really can't describe. Her demeanor, sense of humor and glow was refreshing; she seemed to be the perfect fit!

She described waiting for us as we endured the process of waiting for baby Christopher and how relieved she was when that situation fell through. It's odd to see such a painful situation through different eyes. I guess it was a paradigm shift for me as I m realizing that the pain and anger that I felt with regard to the first opportunity was needless; God knew that Patricia was waiting for us and that she would have our baby. I almost sounds crazy to put in print, because nothing is final or definite. But I feel a sense of calm and peace that I didn't feel the first time around. I know this little one will be our son; now we wait for the call that will inevitably change our lives.

Emphathy

Why is is that when you tell people that you're adopting, they automatically tell you about someone they know that's been affected by adoption? "Oh yeah, I had a brother in law that did that..." like you were in a car crash or something. Like that's helpful. I guess they're trying to empathize with our situation by relating to it as if finding some common ground might ease the discomfort of the conversation.

I find that well-meaning people often miss the mark, making a benign situation all the more uncomfortable by doing this. It further proves the fundamental misconception that adoption is something inflicted upon us, rather than a beautiful opportunity.

If at first you don't succeed...

Heather called today with another opportunity. I can't remember the birthmother's name, but it's an African American boy due Feb 15th. We scheduled a meeting for Tuesday to meet with the mother and see if everything clicks.

On a sadder not, Heather updated us on baby Christopher. Christine will be forced to fight a custody battle in the courts with Mike, and her hope is to raise Christopher herself. At least the little guy will have a good home. What a mess . . .

Disapointment...

Well he said that he would make his move, and that's exactly what he did. The birth father petitioned the court today for full custody of the baby Christopher, ending our hopes of adopting him. I can't say that I'm surprised, but I am really disappointed; Amy liked Christine so much, and I could see their family and ours being wonderful friends. What's sick is that the birth father doesn't really want the baby; he just wants to go down swinging. Poor baby Christopher hangs in the balance while Mike thumps his chest...

I got the call around 11:00 today and spend the rest of the day with a headache. I guess if I'm being honest, my heart ached as well. I thought of Little Erin holding the baby, of tears streaming down Christine's face as she pleaded with Mike to reconsider. Of Chris and Nana and Joe.
All I can do is move forward, knowing that there is a baby for us. If I just look to tomorrow, I can run from the pain and emptiness that I feel today. Yes, tomorrow's going to be a brighter day...

Baby Christopher is born!

Amy and I weren't sure what to expect Sunday. In order to guard our hearts, we both went into the visit with pretty low expectations knowing that there were a million ways that this situation could fall through...

We drove to Einstein around 2:00, pickup up some food and flowers on the way. We met with Heather in the lobby, where we gathered ourselves and prayed for the visit before heading up to the maternity ward. We checked in, found our way to the floor, then the room. Anticipation was building; I felt dizzy and we were both a bit queasy. We checked in with Claire, the birth parent counselor, o see if she was ready for us. With a mental "here goes nothing" we headed into the room.

The baby's father, Mike, was seated in the far end of the room feeding the baby with a bottle. Christine was fussing with something, and when she realized we had entered, she immediately greeted us with a great big smile and a hug. She introduced us to Mike, her best friend (and ex) Chris, her daughter Erin, son, Joseph and Nanna.

We spent the next three hours getting to know their family. I particularly liked 12 year old Erin, who had a certain spunk and personality that I resonated with. She was having a particularly hard time dealing with the potential loss of her half brother. Mike was having the hardest time of all. I felt like we really connected in our conversations; they were impressed with our photos and talked about the birth, labor details, parenting tips, and even a few looking a few outfits that Mike has picked up the night before. We just loved Christine. Her sweet spirit and kindness just overwhelmed me. She handed me the baby almost instantly upon arrival, and we just talked and took turns holding the baby.

I wish I could say that that the visit went smoothly, but it ended with tension and uncertainty. Mike expressed his desire to parent the child and basically told us that we would petition the courts for custody of the child. Even though he agreed that we would be better parents for the child, he wanted to assert his parental rights to "see what happens." While it kills me to know that all he's really doing is delaying the adoption process as the baby waits in interim care, I respect how difficult the decision is for both of them, and I hear his cry to want to go out swinging.

At this point, with Christine signing off on the adoption, the baby goes into interim care until Mike sorts out his next move. Until then, we wait and pray.

We've been chosen

On Friday morning, Amy and I had a conference call with the folks at Bethany letting us know that we had been chosen by a birth mother that was going into labor . . . tomorrow. We asked if we could be present at the hospital, and after checking with the birth parents, they agreed that we could visit Saturday afternoon.

Saturday morning, my Dad and I installed some windows downstairs while Renaldo and Billy installed the carpet in the two rooms upstairs. We all finished by noon, at which time I called Heather to see what was up with the visit. Christine asked if it would be okay for us to visit Sunday afternoon instead, which was fine with us.

Since we had the whole day, we decided to move the furniture back into the rooms that had just been carpeted. We also took the opportunity to do a little "spring cleaning" and rid ourselves of a few items that we had been hanging onto for years for no particular reason.

Once the furniture had been moved, it was clear that we needed a few things to make the nursery complete. We headed down to Babies 'R' Us to pickup a few items that would put the finishing touches on the nursery. We found a "Moses Basket" that we thought was just too cute, so we picked it up along with some blankets and little outfits. We headed back to the house and fiddled with the nursery some more, snapping some photos, just in case.

Trans-racial adoption

We attended a "FamilyBuilders" event last month dealing with trans-racial adoptions. It was really informative, and got us thinking about what adoption a baby of another race could look like! Unfortunately, we also learned that our social worker, Gwyneth, is taking another post in Uganda. I was sorry to see her go; I joked with Amy on the way home that "maybe the third time is a charm" because we've already been through two social workers that have moved on due to life changes. The director of the agency is going to handle our case personally, which I have mixed emotions about. Usually the director already has too much on their plate, and I'd hate to fall between the cracks.

So that's it. Our profile is out there being shown to birth mothers, and we're waiting to be chosen. I feel like the tiny green creatures in "Toy Story" in the claw of the arcade machine..."He has been chosen..." Oh well, that's our lot in life right now.